1+ week, 3+ day ago   (116+ words) The post Baby Painted Purple For Vikings Game appeared first on The Onion. Woman Never Sure What To Do With Child That Comes With Placenta 32-Year-Old Savors Final Years Of Childhood Dog Understands Loneliness Of Success After Tug Of War…...

2+ week, 6+ day ago   (354+ words) Cold enough to turn down AC From breakout stars to aging veterans, these are the players most likely to define the 2026 NFL season. Aidan Hutchinson, Lions defensive end: After signing a four-year extension worth $180 million last season, Hutchinson should finally…...

3+ week, 6+ day ago   (188+ words) Thursday, September 17, 2026 Here are the steps the NFL follows to evaluate head injuries. Player receives devastating helmet-to-helmet hit that leaves him motionless for 46 seconds Spotter initiates protocol after noticing entire offense kneeling in prayer beside teammate Player is asked simple…...

4+ week, 1+ day ago   (306+ words) The transition from college football to the NFL can be difficult, so The Onion turned to some of the league’s most seasoned players for guidance on making the jump. Explore the list in detail “Try to get a little hurt…...

1+ mon, 1+ week ago   (212+ words) Monday, September 7, 2026 Hope you like cicadas DANBURY, CT—Marveling aloud that he had rarely been so sure of an athlete’s unbridled potential, Huntington High School head football coach Michael McNeese said Monday he just had a good feeling about a…...

1+ mon, 1+ week ago   (534+ words) Thursday, September 3, 2026 Hope you like cicadas From specialized nutrition plans to mental skills work to experimental equipment, the quest to stay healthy and productive now takes NFL athletes far beyond the weight room. Here are some ways players keep themselves…...

1+ mon, 2+ week ago   (109+ words) The Onion Wedding Ring Jammed Into Slot Machine Chess Onlooker Sees A Move You Can Do Amazing Psychic Bends Truth With Mind Independent Bookstore Acquires Cat Play Within A Play Also Boring Father Points Out Rhode Island License Plate Rest…...

1+ mon, 3+ week ago   (108+ words) The post Dead Fantasy Football Commissioner’s Password Guessed Again appeared first on The Onion. Lesbian Softball Team Brings In 4’9” Ringer Better Looking Couple In Commercial Uses Correct Phone Company 138 Dead As Loud Sneeze Startles NRA Meeting Tree Planted In Man’s…...

2+ mon, 2+ week ago   (451+ words) Pepsi Ameritrade Warm, Sponsored by Home Depot KANSAS CITY, MO—Insisting the creature’s unusual anatomical structure could create matchup nightmares across the AFC, Travis Kelce reportedly begged Chiefs head coach Andy Reid on Tuesday to sign a friendly extraterrestrial the…...

3+ mon, 1+ week ago   (251+ words) NEW YORK—Rising from his seat as the first notes of Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance” blasted over the sound system, Kansas City Chiefs coach Andy Reid was seen approaching the floor Friday evening for the traditional coach-tight…...